Statue Gentle
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How do I improve this poem?
Statue
I am falling,
head-over-heels, from my pedestal
my high and lofty perch of invulnerability
where I once stood resplendent –
a statue of liberty –
and carried my torch for no one.
Others felt the arrow in their soul,
the exquisite agony of affection
unanswered.
I pitied them, poor, weak things
Some of them suffered at my hands,
suffered because my torch was not for them.
Now as I fall,
trading my pedestal for their shoes,
I find myself
hoping I was kind to them,
praying I was gentle enough.
Tears gather in my eyes as I topple.
But they are not bitter tears
Nor even yet regretful…
Because I’ve wanted to fall for so long.
This is very good. I am impressed. It is interesting how you avoid using the word ‘love’….and yet this is what the poem is about (at least so it seems to me).
There you were occupying the high ground for so long, believing you were immune to ‘affection’. Disdaining the boys who came to pay court – and ultimately finding that you do have a heart after all….you just kept it up there with you on that pedestal.
The poem is beautifully structured, it reads (outloud) well with no stumbles or backtracking. What more can I say? I don’t think you can improve on it….if you start tinkering you may lose what you have.
Well done.
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